Merry Christmas

Christmas Tree Soliloquy

(to Shakespeare's Hamlet soliloquy "To be, or not to be.")

To keep, or not to keep—that is the question
Whether tis nobler in the home to coddle
The tree and needles, an indulgent notion
Or to take balm of season, toss on rubble,
And through removing it, end all. I cry, I weep—
I mourn—to toss the tree, to say “the end.”
A friend once... now this vacant seasonal spot,
Twas such a nice view. Aid of supplication,
Tow’ring in its stand. Oh fie! So sweet—
It greets—the branches gleam. No, not a shrub.
There in that glow of green, those dreams did come
When we saw parcels tucked, hid under foil,
That hope I saw. Here I reject
Our 'toss a holiday with speed," brief life.
So vile to trim the tree and short its time.
A December song, the fat man’s approved scene,
The bulbs of divine glow, the light display,
The incidents of glitter, and the paws
So playful, bat at all the low dangling bait.
Doth glee, itself, sleep past holiday date
In a box, packed in? Doth this symbol scare?
Let stand and tend past the ordained date!
Deny the dread of keeping after time.
For understanding, hear me. For what law
Says send the tree to die? Puzzles me still.
Why break this evergreen whose ills are none?
Must throw out, brothers? What's this thought made of?
Its presents, tree kept us happiest toward all,
And to the tree, adieu? Sad resolution
Plays empty chord of the days past, the blot
On saddened eyes that once bright for moment,
With lights, a star... their joy now tossed away,
And sits on frozen pavement--- See how now
The year is calling you, “Come to my horizon
But lose that tree you tended.”

Holiday Safety

May Joy find you all
Unless Joy is a stalker
Then call the police.

The 12 Haiku of Christmas

The 12 Haiku of Christmas

Day 1
Generous woman
Lovely partridge she gave me
Tree, unexpected

Day 2
Doves arrived today
Oddly dressed in turtlenecks
Fought partridge for tree

Day 3
Foreign born birds came
Not happy with their new home
Insist on chateaus

Day 4
What’s with all the birds?
Four just arrived with cell phones
Each touch screen challenged

Day 5
She went to Jared’s
She financed five rings of gold
New mortgage on house

Day 6
Breakfast problem solved
Personal egg factory
Very noisy one

Day 7
Pool confiscated
Fowl swans swimming recklessly
Need hygiene lessons

Day 8
Eight maids and eight cows
Neighbors beginning to talk
I will not cowtow

Day 9
Nine pole dancing gals
Neighbors now taking pictures
Need liquor license

Day 10
Lords arrived FedEx
Stuffed in very small boxes
They leaped out quickly

Day 11
Pipers piped too long
Sound ordinance was broken
Police were summoned

Day 12
Twelve drummers drumming
Police cart me to quiet cell
Silent night at last

A Plumber's Christmas

The story goes there was a plumber with an incredible ability to make himself small and then climb into faucets and thoroughly explore pipes. One Christmas eve, a customer asked him to come buy and fix a leaky sink. This was not a problem since the plumber passionately hated Christmas. It was just another day to him. When he arrived, he found the customer's house was beautifully decorated for the holidays. Lights were everywhere. Wreaths on every door. Candles in the windows. Mistletoe hanging in doorways. Even the sink was decorated with tiny wreaths and painted green and red. He shrugged off the decor and proceeded to shrink his body to fit into the sink's faucet. As he crawled inside the pipe, something strange happened. He was overcome with warm feelings about Christmas. He heard Jingle Bells playing in his head, and he liked it. He wanted to decorate his home with a tree. He wanted to buy presents for friends and strangers. When he recalls that moment 20 years ago, a tear comes to his eye. For that was the day he got into the Christmas spigot.

Joy!

Many suns have come and gone
Echoes fading, warm with song
But none so warm, it fades not now
No echo, but shouts love aloud
A tether holds, a light it shines
So humble born of love divine
May grace abound on day adorned
For hope was gift on Christmas morn.

The Weight of the World

(to Earth Wind and Fire's The Way of the World)

Be inspired
With a heart on fire
Reach up high and higher
To the place we belong

Walk the wire
Be all you aspire.
Lies and liars
Have no room in our song

We are together for a host of days
Soften your hard hearts, be of cheer
And keep the faith though things around decay
Think back two thousand years.

There are times
(there are times)
Those unkind
They will rip right through
And their claws take hold
It’s not your fate
You won’t lose your soul
He won’t depart
Cause He’s ever, forever near your heart

If the weight
Of the world
It presses more
Than you can endure

A child was born
To provide a spark
Bringing all the world
A light to the dark.

copyright 2010 Warren Baker

Santa Dumped His Job, Now He's a Cashier

(to Elmo and Patsy's Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer)

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Traded sled for third hand S-U-V
You might think he’s bored and blue and bothered
But you will see he’s jolly and relieved

He’d been facing too much pressure
And the lawyers cost him dough
For he’s been fighting off citations
That he broke into some houses and chateaus

When recalling Christmas mornings
Sugar treats and hefty snacks
He now shakes his head in anger
How his diet made his butt look big and fat

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Said goodbye to workshop, time to leave
Now, these days, there’s no red suit for Nicky
Cos’ as of now its worsted wool and tweed

Now the North Pole’s full of Russians
They’ve been pumping oil from wells
Saw them in the workshop bribing
Spreading cash and stealing all his helper elves

And his North Pole’s gotten smaller
Said the value’s been attacked
But he felt “Oh, heck, why bother?”
For that global warming cut his land in half.

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Reindeer he’s not missing Christmas Eve
So lovely, most will find the deer enchanting
In flight they make the patties you don't need

Now he’s loose and mind is stable
Hateful missus kicked him out
Her abuse he couldn’t handle
She was one nutcracker he could live without

And for all the kids and strangers
Never worry, he got help
He just hired him some nice friends
Look for U-P-S in leotards with bells

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Selling things for home and lawncare needs
You can tell him you need help in garden
And he will sell you “ho ho’s” for your weeds.

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker

Getting into the Christmas spigot

My Christmas Tree is Dead

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Click on picture to enlarge
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