Thursday, December 16, 2010

Santa Dumped His Job, Now He's a Cashier

(to Elmo and Patsy's Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer)

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Traded sled for third hand S-U-V
You might think he’s bored and blue and bothered
But you will see he’s jolly and relieved

He’d been facing too much pressure
And the lawyers cost him dough
For he’s been fighting off citations
That he broke into some houses and chateaus

When recalling Christmas mornings
Sugar treats and hefty snacks
He now shakes his head in anger
How his diet made his butt look big and fat

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Said goodbye to workshop, time to leave
Now, these days, there’s no red suit for Nicky
Cos’ as of now its worsted wool and tweed

Now the North Pole’s full of Russians
They’ve been pumping oil from wells
Saw them in the workshop bribing
Spreading cash and stealing all his helper elves

And his North Pole’s gotten smaller
Said the value’s been attacked
But he felt “Oh, heck, why bother?”
For that global warming cut his land in half.

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Reindeer he’s not missing Christmas Eve
So lovely, most will find the deer enchanting
In flight they make the patties you don't need

Now he’s loose and mind is stable
Hateful missus kicked him out
Her abuse he couldn’t handle
She was one nutcracker he could live without

And for all the kids and strangers
Never worry, he got help
He just hired him some nice friends
Look for U-P-S in leotards with bells

Santa dumped his job, now he’s a cashier
Selling things for home and lawncare needs
You can tell him you need help in garden
And he will sell you “ho ho’s” for your weeds.

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker

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