Monday Morning Haiku Club Guidelines

(I run the Monday Morning Haiku Club on Facebook. To join, do a search for the club, and sign up.)

Q- Can anyone participate?
A- Anyone between the ages of 10 and 233 is eligible to participate.

Q- What is Haiku?
A- Haiku is an ancient form of communication that involves short bursts of communication followed by intense scrutiny and then ponderous posing. Snacking in between posing is available in some states, except the Republic of Tea.

Q- No, really. What is Haiku?
A- Haiku is poetry that has 5 syllables in the first line, 7 syllables in the second line, and 5 syllables in the last line. Together, the lines form an elegant description of something, someone, or somewhere.

Q- I'm not very elegant. Will jeans do?
A- Jeans are quite nice, but please refrain from elaborate embroidery.

Q- Are there any rules other than the syllable thing?
A- Warren's Wall is visited by many people including kids, the elderly, and many intelligent plants. Keep it clean. Poetry with foul language or strongly suggestive themes will be pulled.

Q- Who decides what's suggestive and what's foul?
A- It's my #$!*&$ wall. I get to decide.

Q- Will I be graded on spelling or presentation?
A- Monday Morning Haiku is all in fun. No judging allowed except the occassional 'likes' you may get if your verse tickles someone's fancy.

Q- This has been most informative. May I invite others to participate, people who aren't your friends?
A- Most certainly. Just have them friend me, and have them refer to the Haiku thingy. Then I'll know they're not some 'stranger' looking to up their friend quota.

Q- Is there a Haiku creed?
A- Yes

If it's not Haiku,
It's too many syllables
Or maybe too few.

The Ballad of Barney Fitswaller

First a little background:
A friend of mine, Mary Lou, wondered aloud on Facebook-"I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day". Is that humanly possible?-
Many people replied, and I, being the weirdo I am, posted the following:
"According to legend, Barney Fitzswaller of Lansing, Michigan is the only known human to have rock and rolled all night and partied every day. Newspaper reports suggest he started slowly with Barry Manilow LPs and by the dawn, he was knee deep in Hüsker Dü and Melting Pigeons for Pyromaniacs. After his 3,433rd day of rocking, he tragically died in a freak accident involving Mezcal, a burlap sack, and a runaway American dream. Relatives said he was normally a quiet man who kept to himself."
After a few more replies, Mary Lou challenged me to write a song about Barney Whatsisname.

Consider the challenge answered, ML.

(to the Bad Company song "Shooting Star")

Barney unemployed boy
And he lived with his Dad and Mom
Manilow, I think he heard,
And the strains of “Mandy,” full and strong
Got himself some LPs
Barney bought every type
Made his life a runaway rocket
And pouring through Cream at night
And he smoked…

Barney told his parents
“Hey, gonna go rockin’ today
I’m gonna rock till moonshine
Wanna lose the brain cells some way.”
Mama said, “Here’s the door.”
When her foot flew, he did fly
Barney said, “Hey, now Mama
No kiss and say goodbye?”
Out the door...

And he heard Harrison on smooth sitar
And the Pogues
Depeche Mode
And he heard that guitar from Johnny Marr
And all the rum he ran through till the dawn
The dawn made him crawl

Barney drank a pitcher
Jack straight in a plastic jug
Seventies sung from his lungs
From Zep, to Kinks, to Punk
Crankin’ the amps up high
Smoke risin’ from tray of ash
Barney liked to party and say
“Guess I made the years go by fast
And the dough,
Need some mo’.”

And he drank and he sang in Gremlin car
Movin’ slow
Then he closed the downtown and music bars
And days would drink, then bum tunes from friends few
And dance to New York Dolls

Barney’s light burned bright
Died near a keg
Bottle of Mezcal
Burlap mattress for his bed
Barney’s groove made life fly
Livin’ fast, dyin’ young
See him drummin’ to the Boss
Can you hear Born to Run?

Barney throws down the jams with shooting stars
See ‘em glow
Barney sings in the bars of planets far
What a show
What a show

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker
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SerenQUIPity

This is a game I created on Facebook, and now I'm posting it for the benefit of the 4 people who read my blog.

SerenQUIPity is very simple. Instead of posting questions and then answering them, we post answers, and have others think of corresponding questions. Unlike Jeopardy (registered trademark, etc.), there is no 'one' correct question for each answer. And there's nothing to win except your self confidence in your witticisms. You must rely on your imagination to create the most obtuse, unrealistic question you can to the answer.

For example, let's say the answer is:

Spoons.

The questions might be "What eating implement am I most likely to injure myself with?" or "What instrument requires the most dexterity to play while using your legs?"

It stretches the little grey cells, doesn't it? This is also a great way to problem solve. And it's also a way to show your friends that you're really just crying out for help.

Feel free to share this note, edit it, etc. But try it, at least, just once.

Here are 10 answers to start you thinking.

1. Every mother's nightmare

2. Harrison Ford

3. No, but if you leave it in the fridge too long, it'll smell like collards.

4. Blue

5. Heathcliff

6. A bandaid

7. My camera

8. The check is in the mail

9. Barometric pressure

10. Harry Potter and the Witch from Barcelona

This is now an open group on Facebook. Follow the link below:
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http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1239976614&ref=name#/group.php?gid=98453722191&ref=mf
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Government Uses Facebook as Economic Indicator

K. Letterman News Wire---
The White House announced today that the government will start tracking how many people are using Facebook during working hours. According to a document released today, the government said it realizes “Facebook is ubiquitous in the workplace and at home” and it can show the workforce “has little more to do than surf the web and see what everyone else is not doing.”

Government spokesperson Rose Herring admitted being a Facebook fan herself and excused herself early to check on the status of one of her wall posts. According to officials, the ‘wall’ is a place where people socialize and post what they’re doing, whether people wish to see them or not.

“I’m a vegetarian,” Herring confessed, “and was wondering if Margaret saw my post about bean burritos. And burritos, you know, effect people.” Herring refused to elaborate further.

The number of posts saying “I’m bored at work” dramatically rose during the month of March by 22 percent, while posts saying “I’m busy, leave me alone” dropped more than 18 percent.Wall Street reacted quietly to the news, citing they were too busy installing Facebook on their Blackberrys.

Most economists agree that using Facebook as an economic indicator clearly correlates how much free time people have on their hands with how much work is actually being accomplished. What is unclear, economists fear, is what would people do without Facebook.

“I don’t know,” said one economist. “I’ll have to twitter you back on that.

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