Make Art

Rejected Plot Lines from Star Trek

The Search for Khan 

The landing party moved through the alien complex, their phasers at the ready.

“Over here,” Sulu whispered as he pointed at an open doorway.

Kirk, Spock, and Scotty met Sulu at the door. As they looked inside, Spock lifted an eyebrow. It was a tiny apartment filled with paintings, sculptures, and several charcoal renderings. They had one thing in common. Kahn. Portraits of Kahn. Sculptures of Kahn. Several nude studies of Kahn. Scotty appeared embarrassed. Spock seemed curious. Kirk felt suddenly inadequate.

“We’ve traveled across the galaxy in search of a thief. Not only is he a confidence man who has stolen priceless treasures from many worlds, but he is apparently,” Kirk said as he strategically placed a napkin over one of the nude studies, “an artist.”

“Yes, captain,” Spock said. “Our fugitive appears to be a Kahn artist.”


Over the Wall 

“Commander Riker is being held hostage just beyond that wall,” Worf said. “If only I could scale the wall, but I have a fear of heights.”

“Really, Mr. Worf,” Picard said. “I guess I’m the candidate then. You and Geordi can lift me up and over the wall. I have done a bit of climbing in my day.”

“But we must time it correctly,” Worf said. “The guards come by every 10 minutes, so we must act with precision.”

“Right,” Picard said. “I’ll rely on you to get that timing straight, so just tell me when you’re ready.”

They stood quietly waiting for the guards to pass. And just as Worf predicted, they heard several men chattering on the other side of the wall. Moments passed, and the voices faded. Worf looked at Geordi and Picard. Picard climbed on their shoulders.

“Okay everyone,” Worf said. “Hoist the Picard!”

Stains of What I Ate Last Night

(to the Who's Squeeze Box)

Mama made a cream sauce
I wear on my vest
And when appetite grows
I’m gonna make a mess

If my clothes are all white
Newer colors take flight
Showin’ off the cream sauce
Stains of what I ate last night

There’s some Texas Pete
And some sautéed meat
I’m now a painting from Pollock
I’m a masterpiece

I’ll be flinging all night
Get the pattern just right
Art has found my clean cloth
Tasty visuals that bite

Food goes in and on and in and on and in and on and in and on

See the colors so bright
With a smell that’s so ripe
Shirt’ll find a new cause
Dancing dinner’s landing site

I’m so cheesy
See my linguini
Patterns so
creepy, cool, and true
Hang me inside the Louvre

Cover me with crème sauce
Vegetables and Miller Lite.

Food goes in and on and in and on and in and on and in and on

If you’re eating ain’t right
And the food ain’t your type
Nothing is a lost cause
Décor rations will delight.

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker

Rococo

(to Kokomo by the Beach Boys)

Regressive. excessive,
and maybe too aggressive
Ostentatious, rapacious,
and that may be too gracious
Eclectic, eccentric,
surely asymmetric

(That French style)

After King Louis died
There came a movement called rococo
It might cost you a lot of dough
To put some curves on your wall.

My girl likes her styles
To get it right, she’ll drive a lot of miles
She’ll be thinking it through
Just to match things to her kitchen tiles.
She’s so rococo.

Regressive. excessive,
and maybe too aggressive
Ostentatious, rapacious,
and that may be too gracious
Eclectic, eccentric, surely asymmetric

(Oooh she wants to keep it in)
The rococo.
She likes the past
And how the pieces flow
Curves crossing to and fro
I hate that rococo

(Come take a peek
It’s really not that chic)

There was this buying spree
On an excuse called artistry
Here and there she’d prepare
A look that lacked integrity

Our love was on the brink
She decorated the kitchen sink
I found it hard to think
I started looking for a stronger drink
That went with rococo.

Regressive. excessive,
and maybe too aggressive
Ostentatious, rapacious,
and that may be too gracious
Eclectic, eccentric,
surely asymmetric

(Oooh she wants to keep it in)
The rococo.
She likes the past
And how the pieces flow
Curves crossing to and fro
I hate that rococo

(Makes no sense
It causes eye offense)

Everybody knows
How I dealt with that rococo
Most had seen it explode
A flying pattern of debris
Nicer than rococo.

Regressive. excessive,
and maybe too aggressive
Ostentatious, rapacious,
and that may be too gracious
Eclectic, eccentric,
surely asymmetric.

(Oooh she liked to keep it in)
The rococo.
That’s in the past
Now she likes art deco
Now I’m thinking art flambeau
Just like that rococo.

©2009 Warren Baker

(picture courtesy BobTheMad at Wikipedia)
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