Pon Far

(to the Beatles' "Hey Jude")

Pon far
I got it bad
It’s a sad song
Hope it gets better

Year seven
Ain’t heaven here in my heart
Wish it would part
Would make things better

Pon far
Makes folks afraid
If you bring soup
It makes me angered

I’ll fling it
The bowl will zoom at your head
If it were bread
It might be safer

And every time I feel the pain
Pon far’s
Insane
I long for the heat of home called Vulcan

Till then my loins will never cool
Pon far
Will rule
Stay clear and be safe while I am copin’

Pon far
Please beam me down
Warmy weather
Won’t need no sweater

I’m tethered
To lady, sans a good heart
She wants no part
She likely loves leather

I’ll fight it out with Cap’n Jim
And he
Won’t win
Some maiming for someone I have worked with

I did not know that doc would do
Some med
Kung fu
And suddenly fight is quickly over

Pon far
It makes me sad
All the mad things
They make me wonder

If maybe,
The urge to mate would be oft
Wouldn’t be cross
I’d like that better, better, better, better, oh…..

Engage

Rejected Plot Lines from Star Trek

The Search for Khan 

The landing party moved through the alien complex, their phasers at the ready.

“Over here,” Sulu whispered as he pointed at an open doorway.

Kirk, Spock, and Scotty met Sulu at the door. As they looked inside, Spock lifted an eyebrow. It was a tiny apartment filled with paintings, sculptures, and several charcoal renderings. They had one thing in common. Kahn. Portraits of Kahn. Sculptures of Kahn. Several nude studies of Kahn. Scotty appeared embarrassed. Spock seemed curious. Kirk felt suddenly inadequate.

“We’ve traveled across the galaxy in search of a thief. Not only is he a confidence man who has stolen priceless treasures from many worlds, but he is apparently,” Kirk said as he strategically placed a napkin over one of the nude studies, “an artist.”

“Yes, captain,” Spock said. “Our fugitive appears to be a Kahn artist.”


Over the Wall 

“Commander Riker is being held hostage just beyond that wall,” Worf said. “If only I could scale the wall, but I have a fear of heights.”

“Really, Mr. Worf,” Picard said. “I guess I’m the candidate then. You and Geordi can lift me up and over the wall. I have done a bit of climbing in my day.”

“But we must time it correctly,” Worf said. “The guards come by every 10 minutes, so we must act with precision.”

“Right,” Picard said. “I’ll rely on you to get that timing straight, so just tell me when you’re ready.”

They stood quietly waiting for the guards to pass. And just as Worf predicted, they heard several men chattering on the other side of the wall. Moments passed, and the voices faded. Worf looked at Geordi and Picard. Picard climbed on their shoulders.

“Okay everyone,” Worf said. “Hoist the Picard!”

Don't Beam Me Down (the Red Shirt Song)

(to ELOs Don't Bring Me Down)

I’m Ensign Patrick, I like staying alive
They want to take me down to planet 6-5
Don’t beam me down, no, no, no, no no
I know what’s in store, no need to ask me once more
Don’t beam me down.

Don’t want no talons from a monster huge
To come down swoopin’ making crewman stew
Don’t beam me down, no, no, no, no, no
I like my blood here instead of schmeared on a sphere
Don’t beam me down.

Don’t send me now, buuurrrring
Take Ensign Mao, buuurrrring
I hear a growl, buuurrrring
Don’t beam me down.

The planet’s steaming, it’s about to blow
I’m twenty-three and I need time to grow
Don’t beam me down, no, no, no, no, no
I want twenty-four to be the year I adore
Don’t beam me down.

The Klingon soldiers, they all love to flight
Yes that’s the Lord’s prayer that you hear me recite
Don’t beam me down, no, no, no, no, no
I’ll go to the brig before I get I off this rig
Don’t beam me down.

They'll knock me down , buuurrrring
Down to the ground, buuurrrring
I'll break my crown, buuurrrring
Don’t beam me down.

I’m feelin’ sickly, can I go take a nap?
I feel it’s safer than a phaser zap
Don’t beam me down, no, no, no, no, no
I want to explore the chance of living some more
Don’t beam me down.

The guards are draggin’ me to shuttle bay one
Please tell my mom and dad it’s been loads of fun
Won’t beam me down, no, no, no, no, no
They’re closing the door, how sad that I joined the corps
They’ll fly me down

They flew me down, uh oh, oh, no, no
I wear a red shirt, that means it’s six feet of dirt.
To lay me down.

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker

Gyros

(to David Bowie's Heroes)

I,
I wanted Greek
Maybe,
Something to drink.
We’re seeing
What’s on the way
Where can we eat them?
A local café?
We wanted gyros,
A single entrée.

And then
In India there
A man
He pointed the way.
Cause we were hungry,
And that was a fact
Yes, we’re tourists,
Without a map

It’s raining,
Monsoon kind of weather
And his arm raised,
We saw a doorway
“Here there be gyros!”
Tastes better than leather
Here in Bombay

We,
We travel a lot.
There in Oslo,
Where it never gets hot
That something,
Something
When we’re feeling weaker
Can we find them?
We’ll ever endeavor
Oh, where to eat gyros
Here in Norway?

We
We were in France
The French,
They look good in pants.
And eating,
To them it’s child’s play.
We wanted gyros
Not a fillet
Can we find them
On Champs-Élysées?

There,
Off the port bow
(off the port bow)
Floating,
Near the hull
(near the hull)
The captain said to board her
(let’s go board her)
And we beamed down,
To a ship that was small
(it was way small)
And their crew,
Well, we thought they had died.
And then I dreamed of,
Some flavors to savor
Do these guys have gyros
On Botany Bay?

Let’s go have gyros.
Let’s go have gyros.
Let’s go have gyros.
And maybe not pay.
Let’s go have gyros.

We’re dreaming
And scheming of ways.
It gives our lives meaning,
We’ll travel out of our way
Yes, we prefer gyros
Not some old soufflé.
.
©2009 Warren Baker

Photo from Posti's Pizza of Evans City, PA
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Spock Till You Drop

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(click image to enlarge)

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