Philadelphia Airport

(to Elton John's "Philadelphia Freedom")

I’m glad to know I’m going home
You know
Waiting for the flight
How sweet
I found an outlet for the phone

I guess I'm just a
Old trav’ling poor some one
Now the gates have changed
The more I walk the more my feet get numb

Now I wait and stare
At Philadelphia airport
And I pray to my dear Lord
“Don’t lose my bags.”

Philadelphia airport
Charged me high fees ‘cause they can
Yeah
See that piece of pie, just twenty
Ninety-five

Oh Philadelphia airport
Mercy me
The fast food
Bar on right
Need a beer as I wait for a flight
Longest night, longest night
Longest night, where the heck’s my flight?
Philadelphia airport
A cold brew
Just might do.

If you choose to
You can surf the web on phone
Or watch the crying kiddies
(there’s always crying kiddies)
Or wander
To a news stand for a comb
(or wander to a news stand for a comb)

I like being thrifty without spending for bite
Brought my Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
Honey
Helps expand my thighs.

Now I know the score
At Philadelphia airport
At the gate I wait to board
I’m mighty glad
Philadelphia airport
I must leave, now don’t be sad
Yeah
You’re a piece of time that frankly never flies

Philadelphia airport
Glory be
Won’t miss you
Or the lights
In my eyes, how they left me half blind

Nighty night, nighty night
Nighty night, got to catch my flight
Philadelphia airport
I need to
I need to
Yes, I need to
Bid adieu

Floccinaucinihilipilification Seems To Be The Hardest Word

(to Elton John's "Sorry Seems To Be the Hardest Word")

What have you got to say to make your tongue weep?

What have you got to say to sound impaired?

What do you do when spoken word stinks?

And you trip through sounds that make you swear?

What do you lose when words are wanton?

Who of your friends were crude when they heard?

When do you pray for word’s less bolder?

When floccinaucinihilipilification seems to be the hardest word.

Be mad, be sad

It’s a mad, sad bid of diction

And I’m thinking word is pure absurd

Be mad, be sad

Can Webster strike this ogre?

Cos at least to me

That floccinaucinihilipilification seems to be the hardest word.

Be glad, a tad

It’s a tad, glad situation

When you find with ease a pleasing word

You’re had, my lad

When words re-quire decoder

You’ll, I think, agree

That floccinaucinihilipilification seems to be the hardest word.

How do you find best words to ease speech?

When do you have to choose to reword?

Better to choose your nouns more care-flee

That’s what you’ve got to do

When you've got verbal shrew

For floccinaucinihilipilification, is to me, the hardest word.

Coffee Ignites My Mind's Revivin'

(to Elton John's "Saturday Night's Alright for Fightin'")

I’m sleeping late, when I hear my mate
“Hon,you know how much I love you dear,
It’s seven o’clock, and I need a shot.
Gonna need a friendly mug of cheer.”

The old sun’s peeking through a window near the ceilin’
And our old kitty leaps from chair
The kitty’s paws fall on my bladder and calls
“I want kitty feast to prepare.”

It doesn’t matter your sleep duration
Stop playin’ sappy violin
Coffee ignites my mind’s revivin’
Hold off with the decaf, friend

Sweepin’ out the webs from a sleepy brain
Wanna cup of brewed delight
‘Cause coffee ignites my mind alright
Coffee ignites, alright, alright, alright

Well I add half and half, no powdered fake
I’ll never use the folly of Coffee Mate
I will make a special mixture of the darker beans
I may fry a couple eggs and warm up andouille.

And on my way to town, if I’m feelin’ light
I may plow through a drive thru for another bite
I’m a sleepy guy looking for another blast
A strong French roast in styrofoamish glass

I want me some of that stimulation
A dose’ll keep my brain a-spin
Coffee ignites my mind’s revivin’
Fuel to make synapses grin

Don’t avoid the pour, don’t you yank my chain
Gonna drain carafe of life
‘Cause coffee ignites my mind alright
Coffee ignites, alright, alright, alright

Caffeinate, caffeinate, caffeinate

Caffeinate, caffeinate, caffeinate

Caffeinate, caffeinate

Coffee ignites my mind...

Elton John in Thunderbirds Revival

Spooky Mulder the Rogue

(to Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road)

Look out, they’re gonna fly down
Saucers are going to land
I think they’ll do us some harm
Or can you trust a three fingered man?

A secret won't last you forever
I’m seeking the noble truth
It won’t be pleasant when the doors will open
This Fox won’t run or be fleein’ the coop

I’m Spooky Mulder, the rogue
On the case for the strange that confound
They placed me here in the X-Files
A bargain like dear old Faust

Seek out the strangers that roam in the woods
Or in the ivory tow’rs
Oh, I’d like to ride with the saucer guys
Above our orbiting globe.

I know I’ve got a dear friend
She’s questioning me all the same
She will scoff when I show her a necklace of garlic
Will save her pretty neck again

Skinner might get a replacement
I’ve plenty of mags to be browsed
Monsters, our world’s got a plenty
Least so I’m told, but there’s none that I’ve found

I’m Spooky Mulder, the rogue
On the prowl for societies wild
A tale surreal or it ends foul
In eerie rooms and locales

Tales unexplained should be solved if they could
Baking my frontal brain lobes
So I’m lifting my eyes to the starry skies
To find the government’s role.

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker

She's a Witch (Bedevere the Brain)

(to Elton John's Bitch is Back)

“We are justified!”
The mob did cry.
“She’s a witch,
Can we start a fire?
Subtle staging,
Yes, we got the hat.
Though the nose ain’t realistic,
She’s a witch, that’s that!”

"Help me, lord, I pray.
She’s not right.
She’s a mean streak.
Just last Saturday night
When I went to rest
I was six foot two
I got up in the morning,
I’m a tiny newt!”

She’s a witch
She’s a witch
Burn the witch, she’s bad
Old crone flown here,
Can we light us some thatch?
She’s a witch
She’s a witch
Can you help our pursuits?
With the science you use
Determine the truth.”

“I’ll make it plain,”
The man explained.
“What will float
Like witch in lake?”
King Arthur rose
He said “Quack! Quack!"
Then a duck exposed her habits
With a weight that matched.

“Bedevere!”
They did cheer
And the mob did clap.
Spoke King Arthur:
“You’re a wonderful catch.
Gather near
Get your gear
Join our holiest troupe.
You’re a man we can use
For deeds we will do.”

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker
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Faulty Lights, I Guess

(to Bennie and the Jets)

Hey babe, they’re all bunched together
Maybe they’re not blinking
Due to changes in the weather
It’ll likely kill us both tonight
Is that one brown?
Go on and play some Christmas music
Then get more in town.

Say, honey, it’s funny they’re not flashing yet
Thought they were all checked out
F-f-f-faulty lights, I guess.
When they work, they’re sweet and wonderful
If not, I get really mean
I will stomp my boots
I’ll be a brute
And it’s likely I’ll be causing a scene
Woooeee hooooeeee
F-f-f-faulty lights I guess

Hey no, not into that outlet!
Crap, now I’m blinded
Let’s call and get a medic
I may survive, so let’s move this thing along
You see the burned out ones from the street
Why won't the red lights come on?

Let’s handle our candles, they’re a better bet
At least till they all burn out.
M-m-m-maybe then we’ll rest.
Their flames are warm and they’re wonderful
If not, we have gasoline.
Use the fossil fuel
Besides, it's cool.
If it starts a fire we’ll call the marines.
Woooeee hooooeeee
Th-th-th-that would be the best!

Copyright 2009 Warren Baker
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Mullet Man

She brushed my locks last night,
Just right

Shoulder length
Happy man

And I'm gonna look fly
In my Ford King Cab

I miss my neck so much,
I guess it’s red

It’s hair that flows with grace

On such a noble head

And I know I've gotta lotta handsome hair

That makes men jealous and the ladies stare

I'm a manly man with a southern dome

Oh wo wo wo
I’m a mullet man

Mullet man
Coolest lookin' dude you'll ever know.

A bar’s just the kind of place
To take your kids

Good thing it's not my cell

And your friends will help you raise them
And give ‘em cigs.

And all this culture,
I don’t understand
I wash my face just twice a week
A mullet man,
Mullet man

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
Till scissors trim me and my neck we'll find
I'm a manly man with well worn comb
Oh wo wo wo
I'm a mullet man
Mullet man
Coolest lookin' dude you'll ever know.

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©2009 Warren Baker

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