Showed Us Their Rear Ends

(to Todd Rundgren's "Can We Still Be Friends")

When they shut down
Place they abhor, they
Showed us their rear ends
Sweet tea egos
Stomped feet on floor and
Showed us their rear ends

They made country
Go blind
With the light
From their bright behinds
Thought it grand
Lovely shine
Then when it blew up
Press time

Won’t admit they
Made big mistakes when
Showed us their rear ends
Right whine with the
Sourest grapes, it
Showed us their rear ends

Moons a-full
Cheek to spare
Cracking words
With a puff of air
Here’s high five
For their work
Glutes not imbued
With clever.

(showed us their rear ends)
Will you please hide your nethers next time?
(showed us their rear ends)
Still each night they shine moon on and on and on

When they plot
Their next scheme
Hope to God
They wear slacks or jeans
History
Won’t be fond
Hope this is
Their seat swan song.

Tea Party Protests Coffee Drinkers

(K. Letterman news service)

From Maine to Hawaii, Tea Parties are being held to protest Coffee Klatches. According to Bill O’Righteous, an organizer from Omaha, the parties are designed to interrupt social conversations and Columbian exports.

“We can’t have ‘social’ conversations,” said O’Righteous. “Just look at the word. It drips with slimy communistic overtones.”

On the streets of Catalina Dressing, Texas, protestors were found outside a local Starbucks carrying signs that read “How dare you be social,” “Mochas Make a Communist,” and “Juan Valdez Wants to Take Your Children Away, Fill Their Heads With DooDoo Dogma, and Force Them to Drink Cappucinos.”

Inside the coffee shop, Geraldine Wippenstein continued her conversation with Mildred Schmaltz, undeterred by the 3 protesters outside.

“I wonder if they have jobs,” Geraldine said to Mildred.

“Of course they do, deah,” Mildred responded. “And I’m sure they’re well paid since they can afford to take off work.”

Outside, Jackson Halibut, a locally employed architect, said he would still protest even if he didn’t make $135,279 a year.

“Money has nothing to do with it,” Halibut said. "We need less social people and more people who drink tea and ignore each other."

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