Nutritional Rhapsody

(to Bohemian Rhapsody)

(exposition)

I need a big bite
From can so heavenly
Don't mind the cal'ries
Cos this meat tastes so good to me

Open the can,
My taste buds demand
A treat

I'm just a white bread,
I don't eat healthfully,
Because I love it fried,
Love it broiled,
Noodles plain
Noodles oiled,

Take me to a food store
Where there is Hormel meat for me
For me

Mama,
I love my spam,
Served cold or add some heat,
I adore that pseudo meat

Mama,
Lunch has just begun,
Let's pop the tab, and eat without delay.

Mama, ooh,
I've got a large supply,
If you need more, don't feel you'll need to borrow
Have some fun,
Eat a ton.
It'll never make you fatter.

Too late,
This can is gone
Sends ripples down my spine
Food created by divine

Hey now, everybody,
It's time you know,
Organic food ain't fine, 

And that's the truth.

Mama, ooh,
I don't want a pie,
If I want sweets I'd get a myself a doughnut

(operetta segment)

I love the mystery 

That sits inside a can

Slowly chew, 

Slowly chew
Have your taste take a furlough.

Get a jolt through biting,
A little mayo you might need

(Little mayo)
Little mayo
(Little mayo)
Little mayo,
Little mayo and a roll
Magnifico

I've got a spam hole
Somebody feed me
He's got a spam hole
Bring him some now hastily
Bring him some spam
And he'll go quietly.

Wanna taste,
Wanna snack,
Will you let me snack?

Bring me more
No, we will not let you snack.
(Let him snack!)
Bring me more
We will not let you snack
(Let him snack!)
Bring me more
We will not let you snack
(Let me snack) 

Will not let you snack
(Let me snack) 

Will not let you snack
(Let me snack)

Ah No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh spam on pita, 

Spam on pita
Spam on pita

Let me snack

Spam by the tub 

Is a heaven I will seek for me,
For me,
For me

(rocking segment)

So you think I'm Hawaiian 

And that I eat poi

So you think I'm Hawaiian 

For the spam brings me joy.

Oh, baby,
I'm American, baby

Just leave the spam out,
Leave the spam out with a beer

(soft finish)

Healthy never matters
Let me have my treat
Healthy never matters
Spam has always mattered to me

With a little mayo.

(gong)