Upgrade

(to Petula Clark's "Downtown")

Pick up the phone
And call a techie who’s lonely
Voice will always drone
Up-grade

When you’ve got issues
Time to break out the tissues
Words of help will moan
Up-grade

On hold for half an hour to some sappy silly ditty
Hearing all the pitches from a salesman none to witty
Hold music blues…

The hope of quick plight repair
You sense regret o’er your purchase
Upset, you despair

You’re told
“Up-grade
Version ten’s great, so just
Up-grade.”
You’re quite irate, you grrrrrr
Up-grade
Crazy crap software for you

Bugs they confound
Your program’s crashing around you
You’ll be short some dough
Up-grade

Beach ball will turn
Or lovely blue screen will burn you
See the mouse, it froze
Up-grade

You bought into the experts and their lauding words applauding
You’re now thinking, as you stew, the weasels were defrauding
Shafted again

You lost a doc, can’t repair
You can’t retrieve what you’re saving
Impaired by affair

You must
Up-grade
No use to gripe tonight
Up-grade
Get out a check to write
Up-grade
You wanna say “Program, ciao.”

Up-grade
(up-grade)

And you hoist box offensive, toss it out to street below you
Fuse you blew, the boys in blue will cuff your angry hands to
Bring you along

The sirens blare take you there
You now forget all those troubles
Forget tech impaired

You go
Downtown
Pictures they take when you’re
Downtown
You’ll hear a slammin’ door
Downtown
Cell is now new home for you