I Bought a Phone

(to Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl")

The commercial displayed a brand
Caught my attention
I promptly caved, cash in hand
Bought sound invention

It took me
To new plane
Nirvana high I’m on
It’s lovely
And insane
Rose my pretension

I bought a phone
Cos’ they hyped it
The grace of its noble plastic
I bought a phone
Now I’m typin’
I text free, my thumbs get spastic
It’s not just phone
There’s more to like
Got apps to download tonight
I bought a phone
I’m excited
(excited)

Now I’ve got fifty million games
It auto plays them
Cured me of hemorrhoidal pain
Then fixed car’s suspension

Starts crock pot
Then stirs stew
Found app that will puree
It flies jets
Carves canoes
Varnished buffet

I bought a phone
Now I’m quite hip
I kicked up my social quotient
I bought a phone
And it’s psychic
It hates songs that I don’t like yet
It can’t do wrong
It lives my life
In home I sit and eat all night
I bought a chair
I recline it.
(recline it)

My phone, I felt fanatical
Cool screen, huge bills, infallible
On fingertips, so magical
My life, phone defines it
Had text appeal
Was heaven sent

I lost my phone
And I panicked
The loss of tech made me manic
I lost my phone
Couldn’t find it
My world gone, no automatic
I must do things
That I don’t do
Must read a book on how-to
I turned a page
And I liked it.
.