Saturday, November 20, 2010

Rejected Plot Lines from the Harry Potter series

From the unpublished
Harry Potter and the Ghastly Gown

Hermoine gasped as her eyes stared at Harry and his new dress.

“You look lovely,” she said. His long, black gown with purple ruffles bore a striking resemblance to the same dress she wore two years before at the Little Witch’s Cotillion ...and Track Meet. But it looked so much better on Harry, she thought. She fought the jealousy.

“I tried to find matching shoes,” Harry said with a sigh, “but the cute red ones I saw at Ghoul’s wouldn’t fit. Too small.”

Hermoine heard someone crying in the adjacent room. The sobs were heavy and punctuated with “I hate you” and “It’s mine.” Harry heard the voice, too, and he smiled.

“That’s Ron,” he said. “He wanted the same dress, but I wouldn’t allow it.”

Harry’s face turned dark, and his smile turned into something more sinister. There’s only room for one diva in the house of Gryffindor, Harry thought. There can only be one.

From the unpublished
Harry Potter and the Director's Cut

Harry’s wand slipped from his sweating hand and fell down the chasm. Snape laughed as lightning appeared from his fingertips and landed on Harry’s chest.

“You’re evil,” Harry said. “I’ll never join the house of Slytherin! Never!” His voice crackled with emotion as he fell to his knees in agony.

“There’s one other thing that Dumbledore never told you,” Snape said, his voice slick with slime and anger.

Harry, now immune to just about every plot twist Rowling wrote, knew this was going to be a doozy. It was the last book in the series, and he felt nothing could surprise him. Even if Snape told him he was...

“I am your father,” Snape said.


“I am your father,” Snape repeated. “Are you daft? I mean, this really clears up a lot of those obscure plot lines.”

Suddenly, a large crash interrupted the plot device. A bearded man with a small nose and curly hair appeared on the horizon, and he was walking toward them. Several other men carrying briefcases and BlackBerrys(TM) followed the bearded man.

“That’ll be quite enough,” the bearded man said. He took a piece of paper from a briefcase and handed it to Snape. “This is a cease and desist order.”

Snape and Harry looked at each other and then back at the bearded man.

“Yes,” the stranger said, “I’m George Lucas.”


No comments:

Post a Comment