Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Ballad of Barney Fitswaller

First a little background:
A friend of mine, Mary Lou, wondered aloud on Facebook-"I wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day". Is that humanly possible?-
Many people replied, and I, being the weirdo I am, posted the following:
"According to legend, Barney Fitzswaller of Lansing, Michigan is the only known human to have rock and rolled all night and partied every day. Newspaper reports suggest he started slowly with Barry Manilow LPs and by the dawn, he was knee deep in Hüsker Dü and Melting Pigeons for Pyromaniacs. After his 3,433rd day of rocking, he tragically died in a freak accident involving Mezcal, a burlap sack, and a runaway American dream. Relatives said he was normally a quiet man who kept to himself."

After a few more replies, Mary Lou challenged me to write a song about Barney Whatsisname.

Consider the challenge answered, ML.

(to the Bad Company song "Shooting Star")

Barney unemployed boy
And he lived with his Dad and Mom
Manilow, I think he heard,
And the strains of “Mandy,” full and strong
Got himself some LPs
Barney bought every type
Made his life a runaway rocket
And pouring through Cream at night
And he smoked…

Barney told his parents
“Hey, gonna go rockin’ today
I’m gonna rock till moonshine
Wanna lose the brain cells some way.”
Mama said, “Here’s the door.”
When her foot flew, he did fly
Barney said, “Hey, now Mama
No kiss and say goodbye?”
Out the door...

And he heard Harrison on smooth sitar
And the Pogues
Depeche Mode
And he heard that guitar from Johnny Marr
And all the rum he ran through till the dawn
The dawn made him crawl

Barney drank a pitcher
Jack straight in a plastic jug
Seventies sung from his lungs
From Zep, to Kinks, to Punk
Crankin’ the amps up high
Smoke risin’ from tray of ash
Barney liked to party and say
“Guess I made the years go by fast
And the dough,
Need some mo’.”

And he drank and he sang in Gremlin car
Movin’ slow
Then he closed the downtown and music bars
And days would drink, then bum tunes from friends few
And dance to New York Dolls

Barney’s light burned bright
Died near a keg
Bottle of Mezcal
Burlap mattress for his bed
Barney’s groove made life fly
Livin’ fast, dyin’ young
See him drummin’ to the Boss
Can you hear Born to Run?

Barney throws down the jams with shooting stars
See ‘em glow
Barney sings in the bars of planets far
What a show
What a show

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker

No comments:

Post a Comment