Tea Party Protests Coffee Drinkers

(K. Letterman news service)

From Maine to Hawaii, Tea Parties are being held to protest Coffee Klatches. According to Bill O’Righteous, an organizer from Omaha, the parties are designed to interrupt social conversations and Columbian exports.

“We can’t have ‘social’ conversations,” said O’Righteous. “Just look at the word. It drips with slimy communistic overtones.”

On the streets of Catalina Dressing, Texas, protestors were found outside a local Starbucks carrying signs that read “How dare you be social,” “Mochas Make a Communist,” and “Juan Valdez Wants to Take Your Children Away, Fill Their Heads With DooDoo Dogma, and Force Them to Drink Cappucinos.”

Inside the coffee shop, Geraldine Wippenstein continued her conversation with Mildred Schmaltz, undeterred by the 3 protesters outside.

“I wonder if they have jobs,” Geraldine said to Mildred.

“Of course they do, deah,” Mildred responded. “And I’m sure they’re well paid since they can afford to take off work.”

Outside, Jackson Halibut, a locally employed architect, said he would still protest even if he didn’t make $135,279 a year.

“Money has nothing to do with it,” Halibut said. "We need less social people and more people who drink tea and ignore each other."

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