Monday, May 4, 2009

Steve Jobs Not God, Study Concludes

According to the Jobs Beatification Omnipotent Deity Study (JBODS), Steve Jobs is not God.

“We knew this would be an important finding,” said Rose Herring, one of the authors of the study. “Ever since the G4 came out, a lot of people started seeing Jobs as more than, well, human. And when the iPod hit, well, that really convinced a lot of people he was a he with a capital ‘h.’”

Until recently, very little documentation existed about Jobs. Herring said the ‘myth’ surrounding the birth of Apple has been stringing people along for years.

“Take the name, Apple,” Herring said. “Obviously this is a reference to the Garden of Eden, but Jobs has denied the connection. Our study found that if Jobs was responsible for the Garden, Adam would be Mac, and Eve would be Lisa. And the serpent would be somebody named Gates.”

The study also concluded that Jobs is obviously in his 50s and not millions of years old.

The Local Emissaries for Maniacal Macs Indigenous to Nebraska and Georgia Society(LEMMINGS) disputed the findings saying in a statement released on iTunes:
“Who are you mere mortals to desecrate the One? He brings us joy, happiness, and a higher level of social status. May he find mercy on you and keep your iPod from going back to the shop to have its battery replaced.”

Jobs was unavailable for comment.

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