Albatrotsky

We all know that birds are social animals.

Opportunity

Blue Danube

(to Linda Ronstadt's "Blue Bayou")

I danced so bad,

I’m not a rhythmic guy
All the women 

Passed me by
Arthur Murray 

Never replied
Pre Blue Danube

Bored and drifting

After nine

Saw a film on 

Channel five
Kubrick movie, 

A fortunate find
Heard Blue Danube

This music lit my flame
Danced untamed
To Blue Danube

Where I waltzed divine
Knew the floor was mine
Through Blue Danube

All the perfect notes
Sent my heels afloat
Desire

Herr Strauss gave me

So delighted was I
My feet did fly
Was hoofin’ with ease

Never dreamed my 

Dance would transcend
Hope, I thought, had 

Come to an end
Now the girls say 

“Dance with me friend
To Blue Danube.”

Don’t do cha cha, 

Don’t do tap
No flamenco

Chafes my aft
Disco, hustle, 

Or seventies’ crap
Just Blue Danube.

I love to waltz all day
Kubrick plays
My Blue Danube

Where the ships’ll fly
To the music’s time

Of Blue Danube

It’s not idle boast
That from coast to coast
My waltz is best you’ll see

That melodious guide
Yields sweetest tide
Makes happy my feet

When was younger guy
I’d deride
Those classic tunes
Seemed a waste of time

When waltz now plays
Legs’ll shake malaise
And stars will align

Now I’m happy I viewed
That night on tube
My Blue Danube

No Notes

Equality- Apparently, It's Just a Silly Suggestion

It's the Least Sensible Time of the Year

(to "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year")

It’s the least sensible time of the year
With the candidates selling
A package that’s smelling
You’ve reason to fear
It’s the least ethical time of the year

It’s the tack- tackiest season of all
All those principles missing
When buttocks get kissing
See donors enthralled
It’s the tack- tackiest season of all

All the lib’rals are Trotskys
Conservatives’ Nazis
A ver’tible lit’ny of woe
Hear their scary, fear stories
In hopes you'll have worries
And not vote for sensible foe

It’s the most farcical time of the year
There’ll be poor news reporting
And common sense thwarting
With microphones near
It’s the most farcical time of the year

There’ll be his’try rewriting
Shrill bellows and biting
They never will cease to amaze
All the candidates loosing
Those spots so abusing
Are evidence of lost mores.

It’s the most magical time of the year
There’ll be much misdirection
And ego projection
You’ll hem’rage severe

It’s the least sensible time
Yes the most farcical time
It’s the most magical time of the year.

If You've a Fever

Exfoliate!

Dairy Queen

(To the Stone Temple Pilots' "Vasoline")

Late night a pang occurred in me
Want grease and dine for spell
Chunky bits of food then trip back home.

So what to do
After three
Where’s some food I can eat?
Blurry eyes
Out they leap
Bright lights from the Dairy Queen

Pulled in and there in front of me
Big cow and she mooed “Hail!
Come close and kneel before the throne.

Come meet the Dairy Queen, our czar.
You’ll find she’s quite refined.
Will this be takeout or inside?”

So what to do?
Should I feed?
Should I get side of beef?
I declined
“Chicken, please.
Maybe drink, my Dairy Queen.”

She saw my look
And gauged my eyes
“You want some fries
With your meal?”

Her royal moo,
Softened me
Made my drink lactose free.
Then I smiled
I’ll repeat
My trip to the Dairy Queen.

I Viewed Gnu in that Blue Pinto

(to the Beatles' "She Came in Through the Bathroom Window")

Tattooed gnu in that blue Pinto

Rejected cramped and style-less room

Ka-pow, he bucked and broke the window

And he ran off to find bamboo

Couldn’t anybody tell him

“It’s a bit of folly, g.

Bamboo’s not in fields here, hombre

No chews in the fields near ye.”

He said “I used to know a Prancer.

He flew with bearded Claus for pay.”

And this gnu, our language mastered

For he talked but he would not bray.

And so I called the zoo department

“I need some help with bovidae*.”

And lady said “Does he know Prancer?

If he does, Prancer here says hi.”

Did a jolly fellow tell her

Or a little elf had seen?

Maybe the gnu was sending

Message through telepathy.

Oh yeah.

 *pronounced BOH-ve-DIE

NC Amendment 1

Some things I want to understand, but I don’t. So I read and read and read some more, and I try to formulate an opinion based on reality, faith, and justice. And when I come to my conclusion, I feel I’ve reached it responsibly.

So when Amendment 1 came up, I wanted to understand why it was out there. Primarily, and we all know this to be true, the amendment is meant as a stopgap measure against those who want to legalize same sex marriage. Even though state law currently prohibits this type of marriage, many felt it necessary to put it in the state constitution. A constitutional amendment, the way I see it, is a broad and sweeping statement that is meant to fix a hole in the constitution.

The amendment, for those who’ve been sequestered in caves for the past year, states:

“Marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this State. This section does not prohibit a private party from entering into contracts with another private party; nor does this section prohibit courts from adjudicating the rights of private parties pursuant to such contracts.”

What confused me from the beginning was why this needed to be written into the state constitution. We all know that the law is meant to prevent same sex couples from marrying, but the amendment doesn’t say that specifically. It talks about ‘domestic legal unions.’  ‘Domestic legal unions’ is a very broad swath of people, not just people who are gay. But immediately after that language, it says that this amendment doesn’t prohibit people from entering into contracts with another private party.

On first glance, if you take the amendment as a whole, you might say, “This doesn’t take away anything. It allows people to enter into contracts and the courts cannot take away the rights of those entering into those contracts.” Other than the fact that contracts are a wonderful way to say ‘I love you,’ I had to wonder why was this being said at all?

As citizens, we can enter into any contract with any person or business or group, and as long as the contract does not violate any laws, we’re good to go. So now it’s in the constitution that we can still do that.

Huh?

Back to the first part of the amendment: Why does marriage need to be defined by the state constitution? Why wasn’t the law enough? Laws are very specific, and in this case, whether you agree with the law or not, gays are not allowed to marry. We now have a constitutional amendment that broadly states marriage can only be between a man and a woman. Was this to simply keep the law from being challenged as unconstitutional and/or discriminatory? The textbook (not legal) definition of discrimination is the prejudicial treatment of an individual based on their membership - or perceived membership - in a certain group or category. So is the original law discriminatory? I think the answer is yes.

And now we have discrimination at the constitutional level. I know some of my friends will disagree, and that’s fine. I’m not going to call you a hater, a jerk, or something mean-spirited. Name calling from either side of the argument serves little purpose and doesn’t foster anything but ill-will and extreme division.

We are saying that our community, as a whole, can willfully discriminate against a segment of our tax paying citizenry. And our citizens justify the discrimination on theology.

I don’t have a problem with theology. I’m a Christian. I read the bible. I try to practice what I believe. I may find myself disagreeing with another’s interpretation of scripture, but disagreeing doesn’t take away the fact that I’m called to love my brothers and sisters unconditionally.

Theocracy, however, is another matter.

Much has been said that our country was founded on Christian principles, and I believe a lot of that analysis is true. However, many of the rights that were incorporated into the original laws were meant to protect the individual, not just the Christian individual. And this is where I take a left instead of a right.

Many Christians believe that marriage is a man/woman thing. This is theology. When Christians force their beliefs on others in the shape of laws and constitutional amendments, that is theocracy. Tell me truthfully, what do you think of when you hear the word theocracy? If all you can come up with is Islam, think again.

Let’s go back in history for a moment. When the pilgrims left England, what were they fleeing? It was a monarchy/theocracy. In 1559, the English passed a law that said all British citizens “attend services and follow the traditions of the Church of England.” (from ‘Why Did the Pilgrims Leave England?’ by Cheryl Bowman). The beliefs of the pilgrims were compromised by the state, and they could not worship as they wanted. The monarchy was a theocracy, utilizing their interpretation of theology as a basis for exercising power over the kingdom

From what I’ve read, including arguments on both sides, I can only come to the conclusion that our state and other states are folding theology into democracy a creating, amazingly, a theocracy. Even though this amendment guarantees that contracts will be honored (I’m still rolling my eyes over this language), it states that our citizens are beholden only to the Christian definition of marriage. And some of the arguments in favor of the amendment that start something like “What’s to say you couldn’t marry your dog, or a tree, or a…” are simply flip and insulting.

The amendment passed overwhelmingly yesterday. A lot of my friends are heartbroken and angry. Some of my friends feel this is a win for our state and for God.

Me? I’m heartbroken and angry. And I don’t find this to be a win for anyone, not even a win for my Christian friends who voted for its passage.

The Trolls and Nonsense They Herald

 (to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald")

A poster smiles broad, he’s not penitent, our clown
Has a big head, we know he’s a loony
He posts on a thread, somethin’ weird in his head
When he lets loose loud language so loopy

Vents a load of ire or chintzy crude comments so poor
Tis the troller who heralds lame ditty
No good quip will do when the brain cells are few
When a shallow ol’ feller writes surly.

Real name he will hide in a bad nom de plume line
Then attack and bad shrill will be dropped in
From a third grader’s tome, or a bitter old boast
Sends a skewed and rude caption sad reasoned

Exuding blue spurns or a couple of ‘f’ terms
Screams a troll heaving words sans a meanin’
At readers he’ll bite in nonsensical vein
“Let it be,” I say, “windbag’s a tweakin’.”

Now who would aspire, write those fictions so foul?
Maybe knave whose cortex is wanin’
And think of things rude then on forums chew through
Feeble kitsch of small timber unpleasin’

There’s those irate, or them taunters who will bait
Off the rails do those senders go speedin’
So after much thought, here’s description wrought
And my take on those bag o’wind demons

When racist types rain, their bold dreck they invect grievin’
“A-holes go back where you came from.”
No sense have they, friend, neuron’s pathways are dim, simply
Venom that’s no good for no one.

The cocky mired whims, those be ego bearin’ men
With unhip quip untrue, they bleat feral
And never you’re right when that brute’s about to write
Just a troll with some nonsense he heralds.

One other grieves, goads, on a tangent, he goes
Manic raves makin’ mountains of molehills
The dramas he plays, they’re stashed deep within brain
No one knows what schemes foment his ill will

There’s those who play rough, and they’re likely small sized
There’s those who will bad mouth your mother
And more that demean, but the worst ones I deem
Are the tribes when election time smothers

Their flippant flings, inferior things
Tired tunes fill their self-righteous mentions
Not hesitant, these, sneak attack then flee
The ‘high minds’ are vain, sad infections

Their barking it grows stuff bacterial
They shout what their party does banter
And their sanity boats sail past reality’s known coast
Setting sail with November’s contenders.

There’s simple rule, all, has import I’d say
Keep it civilized, angels and heathens
If bile filled mind sends inflamed unrefined lines
Such speech reeks of the madness one's breathin’.

This tirade’s now done, want some sensible talk now
Earth’s a big place, there’ll always be looneys
Superior, they’ll feel, ne’er a thought that appeals
When they wail it’s just blather filled hooey.

Music

Music, they say, is a balm
It soothes as it rocks and it calms
To melodies, sing
Remember the king
Yes, David. He wrote all those psalms.

Supermoon