Sunday, April 17, 2011

Chili Beans

(to Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean")

I was no more than seventeen
Never ate a bean
On meat I dined, had a life routine
Beef on a bun
Belly danced
Near the floor
I was round

I know I ate a ton
Ev’ry chance
Eatin’ more
Gettin’ round

Girl told me how ‘bout some chili beans
Have a colon clean
Then started pot full of kidney treat of
Cooking for tum
Ladled mass
In a bowl
Kinda round

Breakin’ out the routine
Seemed breezy and cool to do
It did astound, freed intest’nal parts

(weee heee heeee)

But no one ever told me
Be careful of when you’re done
And be careful to fully chew
Cause the gas from you will shoot

(hey hey!)

Chili beans
They made me hover
I took a whirl
And shot up fast like a gun
Lost my pants,
But I’m no bum
I thought,
Hey this is fun
Grav-i-tee I’ve overcome

Went flying high in cloudless sky
Went past a Boeing flight
But had no plan where I’ll go to land
No place, oh damn
Not a chance
I’ll be sore
Ground o' round

So ate more beans and rice
Was ascending to space,
Cold as ice
(cold as ice)


I smiled for Hubble, I posed for free
With the galaxy
It beamed a photo to NASA guys
Saw Earth with my eyes
There was France
There was world
Kinda round, baby.

Cosmic, how it all seems
And, baby, what a view
And they said, boy, you will never go far

(weeee heee heee!)

Just me and my white hiney
Miss the world and her perfume
Night sky, don’t miss the view
You’ll see my shiny moon


Chili beans
I’ve since re-covered
I’ve seen the world
And flew round,
Charred near the sun
I'm a ham with toasty buns.

Chili beans
Will make you hover
You'll take a whirl
And shoot up fast like a gun
You'll overcome

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