Saturday, February 12, 2011

Perfect Cup of Coffee Found, NASA Dissolved

(the K. Letterman News Agency)

The Federal government announced it will cease all operations of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration because of recent coffee developments in Lewisville, North Carolina.

“We knew this day would come,” said NASA spokesperson Shelly Shoe. “We’ve put a man on the moon, but we’ve yet to make a perfect cup of coffee. Until now.”

According to taste testers from the Department of Energy, samples were obtained from the home of Warren and Naomi Baker. Testing concluded it was “a damn good cup of coffee.”

Shoe said all shuttle flights are scrapped, and all American work on the international space station is cancelled. Other countries involved with the construction of the space station are currently evaluating their current commitments to the station.

“We have been perfecting coffee for centuries,” said François Insipide, Chief le Culterelle Snobisme. “You can imagine our surprise finding Americans creating such a perfect blend. We are skeptical, of course, because our refined palettes are so much more sensitive than a commoner’s tastes.”

Insipide said the French government is sending taste representatives to North Carolina next week.

The Bakers, a humble couple who have been perfecting coffee for the past 13 years, told the French representatives to “bring it on.”

A US Senate committee is investigating possibly repurposing NASA resources.

“Many of us think we can make Cape Canaveral into an amusement park,” said Senator Benny Rider (R-FL). “And its close proximity to Disney World is definitely a bonus.”

Rider also said many of the engineers could work as ticket takers, parking attendants, and food vendors.

“You know, it makes me sad,” said Harlan Juxtaposition, an engineer for NASA. “I’m glad about the coffee. It’s been a long time coming, and who could deny the benefits of perfect coffee to our planet? Why explore the galaxy when you can get a buzz with a great cup of Joe?”

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