Boil to Lance

(to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance)

Ooh ooh ow ow ow
Oh my rump ma ma
Ee ee why why why
I’ve got a boil to lance

Iiee Iiee no no no
Hey yo, go slow slow
Stick, nick, don’t care how
I’ve got a boil to lance

I’ve got a bumpy
I want pain to ease
I want that sharpy thing and make sure it’s clean
Please wear your gloves
Glove-glove-glove
Please wear your gloves

I want it pronto
A blade in your hand
I want this fluid baggy brought to its knees
May need a jug
Jug-jug-jug
May need a jug

(I sit and it’s painful
It’s a fate that is cruel
I have a boil
Boil to lance)

No, I’m not kidding
Maybe grab a syringe
So I guess I’ll have to drop my pants.
It hurts while sitting
And I’m wearing Depends
Can’t you see I’ve got a boil to lance?

Ooooh
I’ve got a boil to lance
Ooooh
I’ve got a boil to lance

Ow-ow-oo-oo-ouch
Must I stand or crouch?
Or lay on a couch
Take this boil and lance

Ooh ooh no no no no
Your hands oh so cold
Whoa whoa that’s too low
See the boil, now lance

To hell with honor
To hell with refined
This pain is visceral this hind ain’t benign
Don’t be so rough
Rough-rough-rough
Don’t be so rough

Don’t want no lipo
No fat sucking stick
Just want this pain to go so hurry be quick
Or give me drugs
Drugs-drugs-drugs
Or give me drugs

(Can’t wait till the pain’s gone
No chair can I sit on
I’ve got a boil
A boil to lance)

Don’t take no pictures
That you’ll share with your friends
Can’t you see I’ve got a boil to lance?

Ooooh
I don’t need butt implants
Ooooh
I’ve got a boil to lance

No no cha cha cha
My rump ya ya ya
Move groove, na na na
Got no time to dance.

Boo boo bye bye bye
Pain pain die die die
Make me cry cry cry
Got a boil to lance

Gawk gawk it’s amazing
Lance it
Ooh it itch like crazy
Pop pop pain is blazing
Lance it
No no no delaying
Talk talk no more teasing
Lance it
Skin that’s flat is pleasing

I want some drugs
Or my nerves will unhinge
Don’t want no hugs
Can’t you see my skin cringe

Oooh
I’ve got a boil to lance
Oooh
I’ve got a boil to lance

Don’t sit and study
The contour of my end
What was that, was that a furtive glance?
I’m not your buddy
I’m a patient, not friend
Can’t you see I’ve got a boil to lance?
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Copyright 2010 Warren Baker
Originally appeared on Am I Right.
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