Nineteenth Pair of Sandals

To the tune Stairway to Heaven. Dedicated to those who have more shoes than silverware.
And if you play this backwards, you'll hear "Zappos is the devil."

There's a lady who's sure
That her feet deserve more
And she's buying her nineteenth pair of sandals

When she gets them she knows
That they're all open toed
And heels aren't an option she'll pay for

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
And she's buying her nineteenth pair of sandals

There's a sign in the store
Buy two pairs, and get four
'Cause you know sometimes shoes
Are not appealing

On a seat by the socks
There's a salesman who thinks
"Dear Lord, please protect me from stinky feet."

Ooh, it makes me wobble
Ooh, it makes me wobble

There's a feeling she'll get
When she wears her Nine West
And her Tootsies are aching
For itching

In her walks she has gleened
That her feet need to breathe
And her arches' support
Are left wanting

Ooh, it makes me wobble
Ooh, it really makes me wobble

As she's walking she swoons
While her Ipod plays the tunes
And her friends think she's simply just dancing

And a new sale will dawn
For all those who wait long
And the lines they will
Go on forever

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, ooh, whoa, oh

If there's a bunion on your big toe
Don't be alarmed now
It's just your shoes are
Small for your feet

Yes, you can't wait, so you buy retail
But in the long run
There's still time to wait
For price mark downs.

And it makes me wobble
Aw, uh, oh

Your purse is empty and your cards' maxed
And if you need cash
Check the ATM inside the mall

Dear lady, can you see your debt grow?
And did you know
Shopping's easy when you go online?

And as she walks out of the store
Shoe boxes taller than the door
She is a lady we all know
A pair of shoes for all her clothes
With credit cards all turning gold
And if you follow very close
You'll hear her mumble through her woes
For comfy shoes, here's all she knows
Wear padded socks and padded soles.

And she's buying her nineteenth pair of sandals
.
©2009 Warren Baker
.