Unhandy Man

(to James Taylor's "Handy Man")

A hey babe
Listen now
Careful of what I’m fixing, gal
No babe
I’m no handy man

I’m not the one who’ll use electrical tool
Lose digits or an arm
Or bones break loose
I bust working parts
I need a healthcare plan

If your humble home needs repair
Don’t ask for man like me
I’ll break all your things,
I’ll bust up my skin
There’ll be bleeding to see

There is a good chance I will be maimed
It’s best to keep your tools out of my way
I lack fixin’ smarts
Don’t ask for helpin’ hands

If your broken stuff needs repair
Like light or fridge or sink
I’ll cross all your wires
Or water ascends
Best start runnin’ from me

Here is the main thing I want to say
I torched my house just making café au lait
My cursed moving parts
Are banned from foreign lands

Run a, run a, run a, run a, run run
Flee, flee, flee
Run a, run a, run a, run a, run run
Flee flee flee