Vogon Poetry Corner (volume 1)

(Poetry originally translated by the late Taro Riser)

The Comfort of Brains and Behinds

If I were a couch with cushions carefree
Take my seat and vacuum the kernels of yesterday’s kettle corn
Behind, so bulbous and seated, tether me to my L2 vertebrae
And rock me gently until grazing goats gouge my ganglia.
Your lullaby vacuums the caverns of my medulla oblongata.
I am refreshed with your spicy syrup of spores.


My Iron, Cold and Angly

You wrinkle this sheet like an emu who seeks a dung beetle in a tiny patch of filth
Do not hinder my sweaty palms of destiny and vehicular malfeasance
Your willful metallic water dripper dost not phase my granular insect infested thorax
“Nay!” I phleghmatically drip into a case of ripe avocados.
The day has copulated grandly and my will has been expedited by a fur pocked hammer.


Pondering a Patch of Lint on Crust of Pizza

Oh filth on a plate of rusty carburetor screws
Lube the lugs of yesterday forthwith until the seals howl "Momma!"
I see you deposit gunk so easily on my Noritake
Wherefore art is my pepperoni?
See how your garment sheds like a dandruff infested alligator...