Tuesday, August 31, 2010

New Poll Finds Americans Are Confused

(K. Letterman news release)

According to a recent poll, around 20 percent of Americans still believe President Barack Obama is a Muslim. Similar respondents believe the Pope is communist, the Easter Bunny is an orthodox Jew, and the Tooth Fairy is living in California for legal reasons.

Many respondents reasoned Obama rarely appeared in public because of his daily prayers to Allah.

The poll, conducted by Knowledge Released for American Pride, described the results as telling.

"Our nation has spoken," said Brandy Whine, official spokesperson for KRAP. When it was pointed out that 80 percent of Americans believed Obama was Christian, Whine replied the poll is plus or minus 60% accurate.

Other findings in the poll include:

75% believe guns don't kill people, though 74% of the respondents believe that guns are very efficient at concluding the life cycle of living things

73% believe CNN is some kind of thing, and 45% of those respondents believe they left the iron on

69% believe Fox news is a children's program about rodents

65% believe that children are our future but they'll be damned if they let them lead the way

52% believe they can fly, but only with the inhalation of an aerosol propellant

32% believe cake is tasty only when served with ice cream and aerosol propellant


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