Kicked Out of Hogwarts Again

(to Let's Do The Timewarp)

I was packing
Wand was leaving
Classes to cut short

My teachers loathe me
Though for magic I hunger
So many spells to know

I dismembered someone at Hogwarts
Speaking
The wrong word blend
Last night I’d been drinking
And my words came out faulty

Kicked out of Hogwarts again!
Kicked out of Hogwarts again!

The teacher said with a sniff
“You have a spell to recite
Just pronounce with your lips.”
I couldn’t get it right.

And Willie’s head combusts
Well, that’s the end of my ‘A’

Kicked out of Hogwarts again!
Kicked out of Hogwarts again!

Not too pretty
They all disapproved me
Told them “I’m pleading!
Don’t make me bawl.”

But they talked of their pension
A chance of some litigation
They concluded,
Citing law:

“In the case of a head rip
The accused takes a long trip.
Unless head of student is regained.

Just go take a vacation.
You’re a wiz on probation.”

Kicked out of Hogwarts again!
Kicked out of Hogwarts again!

Well they were pushing me to leave
My heart starting to sink
When a spell came to mind
Help me reverse my deed
With a stroke of luck
A change before my eyes
The teachers floated up
And they shrunk in size
To eyes a treat
And to ‘hers’ they changed
Soft and lovely
Gorgeous were these dames

And all the boys they did grin!
Much to the teachers’ chagrin!

So now I’m feeling bereft
And just a little contrite
For my spell’s verbal trip
Had made them just my type

And with my magic touch
All Lady Gagas became

I’m back at Hogwarts again!
I’m back at Hogwarts again!

Copyright 2010 Warren Baker