She's Always a Vogon

(to Billy Joel's She's Always a Woman)
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She can kill with red tape
With a stall she’ll devise
She will oft promulgate,
Till you sense your demise.
And don’t try to appeal
For she won’t hear your plea
She’s cold and reviled
Cause she’s always a Vogon to me.

She will lead you along
She will flail and demean you
She is dry as vermouth
And she’ll never believe you
And her words are not soothing,
Abrasive they be
Yeah, from her, no relief
Cause, alas, she’s not Vulcan you see

Oh- if she’s near, go seek help
She berates when she wants
Her skin is like slime
Oh- all the rules she will spout
All the rules she will spin
She just lives to malign

And she’ll chide and she’ll bore
As you hope she stops breathin’
Then she’ll say she’s a poet
And you’ll pray for a healin’
She’ll recite you her best
Then for death you will plead
Say goodbye mental health
Cause her verse curses all poetry

Oh- can you feel your brain melt?
You will pray to get shot
Or be strung up with twine.
Oh- she spews things from her mouth
And they run down her chin
She is not so refined.

She’s infrequently kind
And she’s evil and cruel
And the bile she releases
Is dung beetle fuel
You’ll find she’s addicted
To bureaucracy
And then when she is through
There’s not much left of you
Yes, she’s always a Vogon you see.

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Copyright 2010 Warren Baker

Vogon picture from the movie Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

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