Friday, October 9, 2009

Wiggles Win Nobel Prize in Physics

(K. Letterman News Agency)

The Nobel Prize committee selected the Wiggles as recipients for the Nobel Prize in physics.

Yuber Yubalikaffindobedobedo, a former Wal-Mart greeter and now head of the Physics selection committee, said members of the committee considered the Wiggles the “delightful teachers of physical movement and manual dexterity” and that “our children love to watch that crap for hours on end.”

Anthony Field, Murray Cook, Jeff Fatt, Sam Moran, and Phillip Wilcher were moving and flailing about when they heard the news. Jeff fell asleep upon hearing the announcement.

Though this came as complete shock to most Nobel watchers, children at the mall seemed unsurprised by the committee’s choice. Bobby Fitcher, a 5-year old boy from South Carolina, was visibly excited about the Wiggles.

“What an incredible accomplishment,” Fitcher said. “I learn so much...dexterity, friendship, and obnoxious noises I can make with my voice...all of this provides invaluable synaptic connections on my ever developing psyche. I now must pee.”

Previous recipients, Bob the Builder and Norm Abram, expressed support for the committee’s decision.

“I have to admit, those aristocratic critics can never be pleased,” said Abram. “Like they would know a stationary base router even if it jumped up and routed them a new one.”

“Makes we want to take out my hammer and go construction on somebody,” Bob added.

Critics have been quick to point out that the committee missed obvious choices in the world of physics.

“Tim the Toolman, for one,” said Bernard Bourgeoise of the Directorate of Important Physics People. “And what about Vinnie’s girlfriend?”

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