Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Cash for Geezers Finds Bipartisan Support

(K. Letterman News Agency)

In a bill garnering wide bipartisan support, the so-called Cash for Geezers bill is finding a foothold in a new ammendment to the current health care legislation.

Democrat and Republican representatives feel they've bridged an impasse.

"This legislation is a win-win situation for our great country," said Arnie Watthe, R-Idaho. "We pay. They go away."

"We feel we can save billions of dollars and possibly wipe out the deficit," said Billy Hekk, D-Florida. "With just a paltry amount of cash outlay, we can rid ourselves of this immovable health care burden."

The Watthe-Hekk ammendment proposes sending all senior citizens to Europe, all expenses paid, for ten years. Legislators believe that Europe's socialistic system of health care can take care of America's senior citizens. Canada was included in the original proposal, but many elderly protested because it was "just too darn cold up there."

A sliding expense scale attached to the bill shows that the average senior citizen will receive $20,000 in moving expenses and whatever proceeds from home and property sales. A recent study found that the average American couple over the age of 65 will pay an average of $250,000 in medical expenses in their remaining lifetime.

"Either way you do the math," said Watthe, "we recoup an incredible amount of savings, and grandpa and grandma get an extended vacation. It's a bargain."

"We really do have a lot of people excited about this proposal," Hekk added. "Not just the elderly, who've always wanted to go overseas, but a lot of our transients could be added to the ammendment."

According to inside sources, negotiations are beginning to take shape in how to send the homeless overseas. Some radio talk show hosts, including Rustic Limburgher, are praising the negotiations calling them "the great solution" since "those bums will never get a job anyway."

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